She was daydreaming

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If - by Rudyard Kipling Many times I trusted in lies I trusted in eyes that didn’t show me the true side I trusted in friends and the good intentions of their hearts I trusted the world wouldn’t want us apart      I trusted in everything but me       It’s time to make amends       I’ll try to comprehend       That my intent is also good       And free I am       From people’s mouths and hands ‘      And should just be      Even if I bleed 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears       Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years       Finds and shall find me unafraid. Invictus by William Ernest Henley I gave life to fear  I have personified her  I was an actress She was my character  I trembled because of her  I am now retiring from this career  It’s no longer part of me 

  It matters not how strait the gate, Invictus by William Ernest Henley I stretch my arms And the gate doors don’t hug me back But I know that’s for the better As all things should be  Even when we don’t see what God sees  And although they don’t hug me back I feel its suffocating warmth  There’s almost no space to breath  There’s almost no space to trip over my own clumsy feet Yet, if Earth lost control over gravity I know this gate would hold me straight It waits for me even when I’m late 

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, If - by Rudyard Kipling The creaking sound of my rocking chair is a statement of time Of my time And of our time And of the time I see when I look up to the sky  It’s past midnight  I wonder why I can’t just lay back and fall asleep  And forget that my dreams were once here I wonder if they will just die with me

In the fell clutch of circumstance       I have not winced nor cried aloud.                                                                                                          Invictus by William Ernest Henley They got me in their teeth And they wasted no time fearing me Yet, as I was pulled up into the sky  I feared looking into my enemy’s eyes  I don’t know why  I never called my old friend “ I ”  Who never cries I i s h...

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone,    And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If - by Rudyard Kipling I saw it in a dream The warmth leaving me But don’t call it Premonition dream That’s the destiny Of all those who can see I saw it in a dream The body grow still as steel But my Will doesn’t break Nor does it kneel  It’ll stay here Long after we will  It says: Hold on And despite death and what is real My body says: I feel 

B eyond this place of wrath and tears       Looms but the Horror of the shade,                                                                                                      And yet the menace of the years       Finds and shall find me unafraid. Invictus by William Ernest Henley It has a head. Two arms. Two legs.  It has two hands. Two feet.  It has two sharp teeth, just waiting to sink its fangs on me....

  If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too;        If - by Rudyard Kipling They got here first.  It was a miscalculation. Thought I was strong enough to be the host. Strong enough to hear them out loud. Strong enough to hear them doubt. They live inside me now. They settled inside my brain alongside the doubts I’ve given birth to.  And it hurt too. It is probably not a good idea to be overly accommodating to critique when you have a shitty ass self esteem.

I thank whatever gods may be       For my unconquerable soul. Invictus by William Ernest Henley I’ve been bowing down to people Just yesterday I bowed down to that warm embrace You know it all too well You read it too  I’m getting old, I’ve been bending my back Not out of respect, but out of despair  Hoping someone could tell me if this is fair  I’ve been bowing down to people But not the people I need to bow down to  But I know that He listens. He listens? Does He listen? I know H e does.  For my soul remains native. And that’s a huge blessing.  My soul remains native, but it’s coming closer, I see. Ships at sea.  Are they here to conquer me? 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;     If - by Rudyard Kipling I’ve been walking in circles Sometimes I walk in circles I walk in circles for many minutes And I wish I could do it for many hours Living inside my head is so enjoyable And if my life were to be only these fragments of happiness I would be fine I’ve been spinning, spinning, spinning And I’ve been getting dizzy too But the music blasting through the speakers is so enjoyable I wish I could exist like this Or perhaps, not exist at all Since I feel my soul dance outside my body The way I dance outside my room I’ve been acting scenes and talking alone I got loads of friends of my own  And though I try to leave my home It’s just so enjoyable to pretend that I’m full-grown  Dreams are so interesting to me, because they occupy my thoughts in many different ways.  For instance, because I have a terrible sleeping schedule, sometimes I sleep during the day and have pretty vivid dreams. Viol...

   M y head is bloody, but unbowed. Invictus by William Ernest Henley I took my head to meet the wall And I realized that she was very well-mannered For she took me in a warm embrace A hug so tight, I almost felt my consciousness slip away  I felt loved Because I felt her love spill down the side of my face I got emotional and started to cry She asked me why I told her it was with tears of joy that my eyes were filled I took my head to meet the wall And it was a lovely meeting  For I left marks on her The way she left marks on me  And I know, I saw her through rose-colored glasses I’m sorry,  It was the effect of the blood blurring the things I see "My head is bloody, but unbowed" is supposed to mean that, despite the hardships, my soul is unconquerable. Interestingly enough, I could not finish this poem in a more positive note. I assault my own soul with violent thoughts. Sometimes we can be our own perpetrators. We need to learn to not bow to our own shad...

  And never breathe a word about your loss; If - by Rudyard Kipling   No, I never breathe a word about my loss I lock my words up like I’m their enemy And I’m taking them hostage Or like I’m in a sinking ship And I’m throwing them into the sea Or like I’m an astronaut And I’m sending a message from afar In hopes that the world will see And give me a little bit of empathy   An ironic reading of the idea of “never beathing a word about your losses”.  

  “ I am the master of my fate,       I am the captain of my soul.” Invictus by William Ernest Henley     Despite being twenty plus one I do not have a driver’s license And, strangely enough, I never whined about that Nor had that as a great dream I don’t usually dream I have insomnia  And just fall asleep when I fall asleep Yet, I’m aware  That driving is for my peers A dream to be achieved   I do not care I usually seat behind the driver’s seat Be in the car,  Or in life, I am but a mere passenger  Who never took the wheel And for a long time, Never cared to take it   

  “If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, [...] You’ll be a Man, my son.” If— by Rudyard Kipling     If I were inflexible as a statue I would not be able to raise my hand Yet, I did not to raise my hand For they were shaking With anger and fear Anger that the voice was gone Fear that the voice had been misunderstood I understood  Had I been a statue I would not have been able to raise my hand But I also would not have been able to hear the saints Say with their flawless voices Of how I was the enemy who needed restraints