She was daydreaming

   As I approach my 20th birthday, I am overcome with a deep feeling of uneaseness. Yet, not sorrow, contrary to what I had expected a couple of months ago. Perhaps, it is for the better. I need not to worry my family over trifles.     This morning, I went to the appointed place and when I checked my phone, I saw that it is the 13th. Tomorrow will be 20 seasons since the day I was born. I shall not be ungrateful and pretend such milestone is not a great deal. It is a great deal, and shall be a great deal for as long as I live. And for living, I am grateful.    Furthermore, I shall not say I am grateful for my guilt's benefit. No, I shall not be thankful because some have not seen the morning rise again. I shall be grateful because life is the greatest gift and I should treasure it. 

I shall be the greatest dictionary lover out there, for I am currently going over in my head more than 10 words for the same state: one of nervous tremble.    I am shaking. Shivering. Trembling.  Only He knows for what I am so fearful of.  Not even I know, but I would like to find out. Being kept in the dark is dreadful. 

Oh, goodness. My heart is pounding. I want to cry. I feel hot inside. My limbs feel weak. I feel like I might drown. I feel tired. I did not sleep at night. And now I have Uni work to do. I might pull an all-nighter, although I already did that this very night. I feel sleepy. I need caffeine.